I’m not going to post the message because it is full of rude things and vulgar things about myself and son but come on, anon hate because I posted a couple pictures of Liam naked? Oh come on. Good friggin grief. I’m not a pedo, pervert or any of the other things you called me. Liam happens to be prone to diaper rash and I can’t always tell when he has a wet diaper so the more he is naked and able to air out his skin and stay dry the less likely he is to have a rash. You don’t see his penis and you barely see his butt (which I like baby butts are adorable but apparently that makes me a perv). Seriously get over yourself. I think nudity is awesome and if my son is happier naked then naked he shall be. So shut up. Buh-bye.
Tomorrow is my first day of work. I can’t lie, I’m pretty nervous. This is a big job and I’ve never done anything like this before.
Right now, I’m wishing I had a couple more days at home especially since yesterday while walking the property I slipped and fell, landing on my knee pretty hard. Oh, did I mention I was holding Liam when I fell? I’m surprised he doesn’t have bruises on his arm from how tightly I was holding onto it. The way I fell and how I was holding him it was either brake his arm or bust his head open on solid marble floor. Luckily Chase dove and caught him about a foot from the ground. One of a mother’s many nightmares. Falling while holding your child. Talk about shitty. Liam is fine, he was more scared that anything.
And well, my knee is shot to hell. I’ve got a nice bruise and I can feel bone pushing on each other when I walk. I have a feeling on my next day off I’ll be making an appointment with my dr to get it looked at. Knees aren’t something you mess around with.
So here it is, my last day as a SAHM. I had some major disillusions about being a permanent stay at home mom and being there for Liam and our future children all day every day. That isn’t how it worked out but the bright side is my hours are pretty great. I go to work while Liam is still asleep and I’ll be home between 1-2pm. I’ll always be home for bedtime and Chase is going to switch his availability so that we have the same days off. The making or breaking point for me was childcare. I wasn’t willing to put Liam in daycare or get a nanny/babysitter. Chase and my hours work out perfectly though. When I get home from work, Chase will leave for work a couple of hours later. In the event that I have to stay a little later my grandma can watch him until I get home. Either way, no daycare. Liam will always be with either Chase, myself, my mother or grandmother. Sounds pretty good to me!
Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don’t breastfeed my son. I’m a bad mom for feeding him formula due to chemicals.
I got my son circumcised. I should have my son taken because I allowed something unnatural to be done to him.
I don’t get my son vaccinated. I am setting him up to die because I am not having him injected with chemicals.
I seriously cannot win with some of you guys. Not that I really care but the hate in my inbox is a little bothersome. Our reason for not having Liam vaccinated is our own, personal reason. Just like every other decision that we as parents will make for our son. I do giggle a little at how passionate people get about things. Tell ya what, the next time you birth one of my babies you can totally have an opinion in how I go about raising him/her.
Deal? Y? N?
Liam actually semi put himself down tonight. All day he has been crazy clingy and not wanting to take a nap or do anything that didn’t involve being help by me. That is another thing. He has started to develop an opinion on people and build up preferences. So some days I get off the hook and he will want only Chase but then days like today all he wanted was me. It gets hard to try and maintain a household with a very attached baby. Tonight though I just couldn’t do the long, drawn out bedtime that has become our routine. So instead of babying him to bed I fed him, changed him, held him for a few minutes and laid him down. He fussed a little and started talking to himself so I poked my head in, gave him his binkie and he was out like a light. Thank you Baby Jesus. Chase is working until midnight which means I am going to bed very soon. I am dead tired. Thank you Liam for not fighting me too much tonight. I needed that.
Don’t ask me why, I have no idea, but this morning I decided to take my alone time to google the It Gets Better campaign and also the Give a Damn campaign. Like I said, I have no clue as to why I felt the need to do this but I did. Part of me regrets it because of the emotion it stirred inside of me, another extremely glad that I did. Watching the videos and reading the stories of people who are persecuted for how they were born and who they are breaks my heart. Hearing some of them say that their parents don’t support them and that they have had to find families outside of their family because they have been shunned kills me. I have said from day one since I found out I was pregnant that I wouldn’t care in the least what Liam identified with. Growing up I was raised in a very narrow minded religious group that boasted and bragged about denying the LGBT any kind of rights. When Prop 8 came out they encouraged us to all go to the polls and vote for it and I am ashamed to admit that I bought into this churches propaganda and did vote yes on Prop 8 when it initially came out. I was 18 or 19 and indoctrinated into believing that these people truly were living in sin and it was my job as a “God fearing Christian” to do everything I could to make sure they could not do what I could because they were wrong. It took me MAYBE twice hanging out with an openly gay guy the same age as me for me to really understand just how wrong I was. That there is no basis in scripture to discriminate against anyone who isn’t straight and that the real message of all Christ based faiths was love. The exact opposite of what we were all practicing. Needless to say, I left that church shortly after and got into a lot of fights with my dad who lived by the saying, ‘I don’t care if you’re gay just don’t be gay around me’. I don’t know where he stands now as we have not spoken in over a year but I can imagine it is probably the same if not worse.
I love my son, more than life. He is my world and there is nothing I would not do for that child.
Liam Chase Shelley, I make this promise to you right now, I will love you forever no matter who you are, what choices you make and most importantly who you chose to love. The most special thing I could ever want for you is for you to love someone and to be loved in return. Whoever you love is the luckiest man or woman in the world and I cannot wait to meet them and see the life the two of you make together. You are my baby, I carried you inside of my tummy for nine months and pushed you from my body into this world. There is a bond between us that can never be broken and a love that could never be understood. I will never turn my back on you because of who you are. That is my promise to you.
Always be you and know that you can aways seek refuge in my arms.